Tag Archives: work

I know I should be grateful

I don’t know whats wrong with me lately. I really don’t like being alone suddenly. But I don’t want to be with people either. All this leaves me as a crying mess unable to explain what the hell is wrong with me. My husband used to go out for WEEKS at a time. I just heard hes going to have to go overnight tomorrow and Thursday when normally its only Thursday and I blew up. I don’t know its just … lonely with just sitting here looking at my pets all day. He told me to take him to work so I could have the car tomorrow but who the hell wants to get up at 3am, drive him to work at 4am? Obviously Im going to have to if I want a car, but my luck the damned snow storm will come and then how the hell am I going to get to him? Slowly, I guess. I’m glad my husband has a job, and a well paying one, but sometimes I’d just rather have him home than have the money.

Last night I was laying in my bed and thought up a few posts to write about and you think I can remember a damn one of them now? Not a one. They were even semi interesting.  I wish I could write about some topics, but I wouldn’t on such a public forum. Id go back to my livejournal for that. Maybe I should do that some times…to write about the stuff I can’t write here, just kick all the spectators off of it first. Who knows.

As for my diet, I’ve been sticking to it mostly. I’m at least sticking to the 1500 and under rule. I saw progress the first days but now I’m leveling out. I know its a long journey and its barely been two weeks, but Im already getting jaded. I have no patience. Makes it quite hard sometimes.


Its been three months but a hell of a ride

Well I started this blog to be a once a day thing, but anyone who knows me knows that I can’t ever keep something like that going for long.

Since my rather long hiatus, alot of stuff has happened, but Ill try to summarize.

  • Tinkerbelle, my cat with cancer, finally succumbed to it on April 22. She lasted a year, one month, and 12 days.
  • If youre keeping count, that means that I’ve lost 2 lizards, 2 ferrets, and a cat recently.
  • I got an internship 1.5 hours away I managed to keep for half the required time, for a myriad of reasons.
  • I got hired as a photographer at Comerica Park in Detroit, but my social anxiety nixed that in the bud.
  • I got hired at a store, but my OCD and germphobia, paired with a L5 injury the night prior, also nixed that.
  • I moved my house 20 miles, and have been living at my mother in laws til shit settles.
  • My dog that I aquired shortly before hiatus just had surgery Thursday–just mostly standard, spay, teeth removal.
  • My college graduation is in six days. Yes, I finished in February.
  • Had a mental breakdown or few since we last spoke.
  • Got a staph infection coupled with mastitis (non breastfeeding) that leaves me in a higher breast cancer percentile for the next year. Luckily we at least ruled out the aggressive Inflammatory kind. I was scared shitless for about 2 weeks.
  • Have really retreated into myself as of late.

Damn, that was quite easy. I should take hiatuses more often.


3-24-13 From one a day to one a fortnight

To say that I can’t keep up with any kind of commitment is an understatement. I went from one a day posting here (ok so sometimes I would miss for five days in a row, but would then make up those posts…) to now posting once every two weeks. In my meager defense, life is a little more hectic than I am used to. Most people would pray for my version of “hectic” but its hectic to ME so screw those people. -_-

So I work Wednesday and Thursday, but its literally an all day affair. I get up Wed, work, come home, go straight to bed, get up go to work Thursday, get home late. Sometimes I have my nieces for all or most of the weekend. Monday is bill day. Tuesday is my moms. And at the end of this internship, if Im lucky, Ill be hired in part or full time. I was supposed to go back to some kind of college this summer, but you have to go three days a week, so Id have to do online courses (ok thats fine) but if two days of interning is kicking my ass, what is a part/full time job, PLUS school going to do? I dont want to end up in the nut barn. Last time I got overwhelmed I ended up on a ton of psychiatric meds and almost committed twice. Not exactly how I want to spend my summer.

Im sitting here now on my couch, all the animals are asleep, my niece is passed out on the couch, my husband in his room, and im just here on the other couch on my computer. Im tired and should probably go to bed, but when have I been sensible?

Im going to try to not forget this is here for now on.

2-28-13 Official College Grad

Today was officially my last day at the first step of my college road. I finished the graphic design certification process. From here, I am going to go do all the classes possible at the community college, then finish up at a 4 year.

I got a call this morning for an interview with a wedding photography business. Photo retouch and layout. Its an internship, with no pay. BUT I need the experience. Its about an 1.5 drive each way. I was happy getting a call. Then tonight on the way home from school, I got a call for an interview this Sunday, for a vapor lounge. I’d love to get both…I’d be happy with one…I’m realistic I’ll probably get neither lol.

I then came home and had a lonely, loud karaoke session in my living room. I’m sure my neighbors are thrilled. I quit a little after 3am. Since I was using my computer and surround system for the music, I was on youtube, which of course lead to me watching some fan videos and crying into my microphone. Then I got ahold of myself, sang a little more, and called it a night.

This will be a very busy few days. I have my niece for two days. The interview on Sunday. The one on Monday. It’ll be nice to feel like a real, functioning version of an adult. I’ve waited to long. Those years in a practical fugue state really fucked with my life. I’ll never get those years back. But I can make the most of the years ahead of me at least.

1-22-13 Up All Night-With A Reason

It’s no secret I’m a night owl. Hell, that’s how I got the name for my graphic design company. But I’m staying up tonight because every time I have a meeting, I get super paranoid I’m going to oversleep, so I stay up the whole damn night instead. Its now 410am. I have to start getting ready here in like 2-2.5 hours. I have to get up, drive 20 mins south to take my husband to work, drive the 20 mins back into town, then drive an hour to the interview.

I have a “grown up” interview. For a “real” job. I’m realistic, I probably won’t get it. BUT it was nice that I sent out 4 resumes, and got 2 responses within 24 hours. I should really stop applying until my portfolio is done, in a few weeks, but I just really want/NEED a job.

I played hookie from school today. Everything was going wrong and I’m a superstitious bitch. My windshield wipers were frozen and I couldn’t see. (fixed.) Had a feeling I shouldn’t go. Narrowly avoided accident because I stopped to auto zone. Decided to go, husband on a random freak accident, comes home for the day, and I have to go get him. At this point, Im like, Ok, Im really not meant to go. Lo and behold, like, half the class wasn’t there. They let out early because like three people were left.

It’s over an hour to my school one way. I got the assignment done in under and hour, and turned in one minute after the class started, when it wasn’t even due til 11. I was so not wasting 9 hours of my day.

So I went and got an outfit for my interview, went to applebees, then my sister in law came over and we designed her “save the date” cards for this summer.

So now, here I sit, catching up on wordpress, after filling my tumblr queues.

1-19-13 Why do I even bother numbering these anyway?

Considering I am writing this on the 23, I really don’t understand why I am keeping with numbering them. I suppose if I stop, I may stop my daily writing and for once I want to stick with something.

I amazingly have all my homework done for my first class this week. I have the other work I need done for class on Thursday done, but they haven’t posted what will be going on that day yet. I wish I knew so I could get on it.

The worst part is I have to pick 10-15 items for a portfolio. It’s going to end up being mostly a photography portfolio with a few photoshop and illustrator pieces, some social media branding and a shot of my blog. Don’t ask me what the hell job it is I’m trying to get. Something dealing in photography/social media/graphic design/blog writing. You’d think that would be odd, but I actually applied (like a big girl, with a real resume and cover letter and all!) to four places last night. One got back to me within hours, but asked me if I have a portfolio. Obviously, I don’t. Yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn’t be applying to graphic jobs without a portfolio, but I’d rather have no portfolio and point them to Facebook or linked in, then show them a shitty portfolio. I could have made a contact sheet in bridge, which is probably what I would do in a pinch.

I have an IDEA of what items but I don’t want to actually PICK them and get it done with.

Five more weeks.

1-3-13 Cheap and Easy

It is now 6:36pm on the 4th. I didn’t get home until 6am this morning so I couldn’t write my normal 2 am-only a few hours late-its still technically today somewhere-post.

We live in a society where people want everything now, they want it fast, they want it cheap. Hence why we all live off of fast food that is cheap but sure not “good”. We buy songs off of itunes one at a time because we can’t be bothered with having a whole CD of a persons work. Too much money! I only want the songs I LIKE! We go through life being cheap, fast, and lazy.

We don’t know what quality is. We live in the clearance bins. 

That seems harsh, doesn’t it? What does it mean?

Don’t mistake what I am saying to mean we all need Prada purses and Jaguars. I’m perfectly fine in my no-name jeans. This isn’t about “living poor” and being wrong. This is about not wanting QUALITY in our lives, and not wanting to have to pay to receive it. We will literally do anything we can to get things as cheap and easy as possible without questioning if it TRULY is “worth” it. 

What sent me on this rant?

I am a graphic designer, up and coming. I am by no means some pro who has been at it for ten years. I am simply a girl who has been dabbling for about 15 years in different aspects of the field, then officially went to college for it. I have been dabbling in photography for most of my life, and concentrated on it for seven years. 

So when I come across a website from a “graphic designer” so bad, so just disgustingly amateur, I get just a little upset. Same with faux-togs. 

If you do not know the simple rules of a field, do not claim to be a “professional”.

I am a hobbyist photographer. I know that with accurate training, I could meet professional standards. I have taken some schooling in it. Why do I not continue the schooling? Simple. Every person with instagram thinks they are a photographer. They don’t realize that the automatic editing once took someonen a very long time to create that effect. They take their picture, and post it on Facebook in a matter of minutes, never thinking about the process that should have occured. So what is honestly the point? I will continue with my hobby, and I like my hobby. But I will never claim to be a “Photographer” in the ranks of the big boys. I’ll help out friends, I’ll enjoy the hobby. I am smart enough to know, leave professional jobs to the professionals. Because otherwise it is just a huge insult.

When someone makes a website and claims to be a professional, it better stand up. No spelling errors. No typos. No punctuation errors. And that’s just in the copy! If you want to design web, and you’re good at it, but suck at copy? Don’t write the copy! Let the customer hire a copywriter! It only makes you and the customer look stupid.

If you are going to make a website, and things don’t link back, things are not sized properly, and all in all the site is a mess, you are not a “webdesigner”. You have NO RIGHT to call yourself one. You have NO RIGHT to CHARGE people for your pathetic services. Why?

You probably got paid 200 bucks to make that site. And boy, can you tell. 

Now, that person is going to come to me. And want it done for 200 bucks. Thats approximately 6 hours of my time. Sure, I can make you say, a very watered down, click here click there, no words, no pictures, no-pretty-much-anything site. And that person is going to whine, “but they did it!” 

And now you’re here, asking me to do it. What does that tell you?

You get what you pay for. You wanted it fast, cheap and easy. And now it LOOKS fast, cheap, and easy. If you do not want to spend the money on a good quality site, maybe you shouldn’t be getting a site. When YOUR customers come to YOUR site and see this mess? They are going to immediately judge you as unprofessional. They’re not going to come back. And if they’re like me, the next thing they are going to think is, “who made this site, and associates their name with this garbage?” If you wouldn’t go to a website, because it is junk, why would you put your name on it, or your customers name on it? It’s insulting to everyone involved. Including your base you are trying to reach. Are they not worth the time and investment of a nice, professional site? Are they really mindless zombies that are too stupid they won’t notice? They notice. Trust me. 

So was being cheap, fast, and easy “worth” it in the end? You paid guy number one two hundred bucks for your mess. Now you’re going to pay me my fee on TOP of that fee. If you had simply done it correctly the FIRST time, you wouldn’t be wasting that original two hundred bucks. Sometimes “pinching pennies” wastes dollars. 

Don’t live in a clearance bin.