Tag Archives: music

Those Nights

If there was ever a song that described not only the young me but the old me, this is it. It describes a few people in my life.

I remember when 
We used to laugh 
About nothing at all 
It was better than going mad 
From trying to solve all the problems we’re going through 
Forget ’em all 
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall 
Together we faced it all 
Remember when we’d 

Stay up late and we’d talk all night 
In a dark room lit by the tv light 
Through all the hard times in my life 
Those nights kept me alive 

listen to the radio play all night 
Didn’t want to go home to another fight 
Through all the hard times in my life 
Those nights kept me alive 

I remember when 
We used to drive 
Anywhere but here 
As long as we’d forget our lives 
We were so young and confused that we didn’t know 
To laugh or cry 
Those nights were ours 
They will live and never die 
Together we’d stand forever 
Remember when we’d 

Those nights belong to us 
There’s nothing wrong with us 

I remember when 
We used to laugh 
And now I wish those nights would last

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I’m Still Here

This song is very fitting to my life usually, but more so recently. I added this version because I took the time to make it almost 2 years ago. I was going to just put a lyric video, but I’m putting the lyrics after the video anyway. In case anyone don’t know the video, it’s from LOST.

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that’s held in your arms.
And what do you think you’d ever say?
I won’t listen anyway…
You don’t know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you’d understand?
I’m a boy, no, I’m a man..
You can’t take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what’s never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don’t know me ’cause I’m not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
‘Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I’m not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can’t break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
Yeah, the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.

-Goo Goo Dolls “I’m Still Here”

Let It All Go.

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you’ll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
‘Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
‘Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

For me, this song isn’t just about a love, its about the rest of it. So often we never realize what we have until we don’t have it. How we wish for change, but then the change comes and we wish it were back to the way it was.

Stop cancelling shows that require intelligence / Introversion Problems

I normally boycott any and all new shows til the end of the first season/confirmation of pick up order, but against my better judgement, I had to try out Under The Dome. Every show that has ties to LOST dies a fiery death with the exception of Person of Interest and Once Upon A Time and Revolution. (RIP Alcatraz…Park Avenue 666….FlashForward….) But goddamn it I will be pissed if they cancel it.  Im so sick of shows that require 4 braincells to watch getting cancelled coz theyre too “complicated”, while shit like Jersey Shore can get season upon season.

Every time a show comes out that requires people to think, the reviews always come in the same…”Im not watching another LOST.” “Im not spending another 6 years on LOST.” You know what? To all those people that “wasted those 6 years”, I pity your lack of insight on what could have been arguably the best show to ever grace television. Paint me biased, as I run close to ten LOST based fan sites, but how people can not see its genius is beyond me. Oh, you had to think? Something didnt make sense to you? It MUST have been “stupid” and “pointless”. No. You should just attempt to think more. Or, go watch some more Jersey Shore.

Granted alot of people in todays world watch TV to “escape.” Great. Kudos to them. Awesome. Other people, people like myself, people that are introverted, or disabled, look to television for a much different kind of escape. A world where we are involved. Characters that we care about more than actual people. Stories we can lose ourselves in that take us away from what holds us back. People with “9 to 5” normalcy dont get it. They never will. You can go to your job, and make your friends. You can go to the bar, or a party. Thats fun for you. You know whats fun for me? Having a complicated story with complicated characters that I learn to love as my friends. That I feel their pain and watch their story and feel involved. Some of you know what I’m talking about.

There are people that just have to lose themselves. In TV. In movies. In books. In music. We need that escape to recharge. And sometimes having complete bubblegum fluff is the answer. But for people like me, thats almost never the case. Im a complex woman, in a fucked up reality.

Networks need to start realizing that by cancelling a show 7 episodes in, they are just fucking themselves. “Oh its not getting the ratings! Its losing money!” This isn’t the Nelson ratings anymore. We DVR. We On Demand. We stream. We YouTube. As much as you all claim to be up on technology, you ARE–I guarantee-missing views. How is it that shows that have huge cult following get that way? By no one watching them? Doubtful. Stop bowing to critics, stop basing everything on the almighty dollar, and readjust your way of measure. Too much good is going to waste.

2-20-13 Music Memories

Oh no, not those pleasant ones! Those wouldn’t be worth writing about, now would they?

I’m not exactly sure, but I’m pretty sure Pandora radio is trying to get me to drive into oncoming traffic. (Yes, I’ve blogged about this before, it’s an on going occurance.)

I pretty much can’t remember from year 2000-2004. As in, I don’t remember shit from it but like 45 minutes. I vaguely remember 2005-2008. So, roughly like 8 years of my life are AWOL. And half of those are extremely AWOL.

Yet amazingly, I still remember music from those years. And when songs come on, so do the memories I’d have otherwise forgotten about.

Case in point, my new PINK channel seems to like to play two things: extremely christian music (yeah, I was shocked too), and Alanis Morrisette. I pertain most of Alanis’s songs to my teen years. (Which I’ve started to somewhat remember. In case you’re keeping track, that would be approximately 1996-2000. I don’t want to remember that time. It was then that I was diagnosed mentally ill. It was that time when I managed to hurt every person who ever loved me, or that I loved. I lost friends. I did stupid shit. The only thing worse than a pseudo amnesia is one that decides to clear every once in awhile only to smack you in the face with things you don’t really want to remember.

I didn’t have a bad life. I really didn’t. We all have our issues and things that have happened to us. Overall, I think I made out above alot of people. I never was cheated on. I didn’t have alot of friends, but I had good friends. We were poor, but we had a nice place to live and made due with what we had. I had a mom.

Then I got sick, and fucked that shit all up.

Ruined relationships. Lost friends. Alienated my mother. Went through school in a daze (when I bothered to show up or not sneak out.) During that time, music was a constant.

So now, please Pandora, keep shoving my past in my face while I’m in a moving vehicle doing 80 on the expressway. I can handle it.

2-1-13 When Pandora radio attacks.

I always have music on. I spend alot (and I mean ALOT) of time in my car. I have a 3 hour trip to school twice a week. I put 26k miles on my car in 13 months. Ive put 6k on it since November 19. Pandora radio is kind of my best friend. I have ECCLECTIC taste. 1950s. 1980s. 1990s! (seriously the BEST ten years of music, EVER.) Current. Reggae. Rock. Punk. Emo. (fuck R&b!) My pandora stations are all over the place. My best channel is Hollywood Undead. Anyone who uses Pandora knows that the more you listen, all the channels kind of merge together based on how you rate songs. So while I might BE on the Hollywood Undead channel, Goo Goo Dolls are a regular on it.

I see posts all the time about how people LIVE music. While I’m glad people love music, there are some people that literally are so sensitive to music, it can change their moods within seconds. In one car ride, I can be jamming to rock, thumping to rap, and crying into my steering wheel from memories. Now, (and here’s where I will lose 90% of you) I am a firm believer in…shall we say…new age. That all things are energy. That we can communicate with energy.

Which is why Pandora freaks me the fuck out 90% of the time.

I was babbling on facebook one night about how Pandora was…talking to me. It had been in alot of new age news about electronics being used as a…device…to get points across. I stated the fact how, I knew within minutes at the rate of the radio, a certain song would be on.

With in ten minutes, guess what happened? I of course took a photo and posted it on facebook.

My music has saved my life on many occasions. I know others that have felt this way, and had this happen. While this entire article sounds insane to most people, others may just know what I’m talking about. This will affect not just us empaths, but also “normal” people. That when we put on music, certain songs just HAVE to come on. To help us, to give us memories, to haunt us, to make us remember. What is life without memories? What is life without lessons? Even the worst of times have good things that come from them.

Always hear the signs, always listen to your heart, and always follow the music.

After all, when you open up “Pandora’s Box”, you never know what comes from it. 😉

1-21-13 Those Nights

I have this song number one on my player list on my tumblr. This song is so relevant. I think any person who really listens to the words would understand it. I let this really (REALLY) good lyric video, or you can read the words below. This just totally sums up life.

I remember when We used to laugh About nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we’re going through
Forget ’em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all Remember when we’d

[Chorus:]
Stay up late and we’d talk all night In a dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life Those nights kept me alive

We’d listen to the radio play all night Didn’t want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life Those nights kept me alive

I remember when We used to drive Anywhere but here
As long as we’d forget our lives
We were so young and confused that we didn’t know To laugh or cry
Those nights were ours They will live and never die
Together we’d stand forever Remember when we’d

[Bridge:]
Those nights belong to us
There’s nothing wrong with us

I remember when We used to laugh
And now I wish those nights would last

1-1-13 The Beginning

Alright so its now technically 1-2-13 but its still 1-1-13 somewhere on the planet so technically Im safe.

Im going to (and Ive said this before) attempt to actually do a “day by day” and now since the world hasnt ended and were back at day 1, guess there is no better time than now.

When I was twelve and first heard about the mayans, I thought, well Ill be 30 then, thats so far away. Well, its came and passed, and man it didnt really take that long to get here. Thats something Ive come to realize recently after becoming so entangled in social media. Why you ask? I have a tumblr among other sites, and I read all these “Teenage relatable” posts and you know what boys and girls? There is no difference in my 30 year old brain as there was when I was 13. Sure, now I’m a grown adult and I pay bills, own my home, and have been married for what seems like ever (in Hollywood we’d be a golden couple by now.) but everything I read is still true to this day.

1. Music and how it relates to life. Hell, this may be even MORE relatable at 30 than at 13. We’ve had more life at this point. There are days I just sit and listen to songs on repeat for hours. (Currently song of choice is Those Nights-Skillet.) Which is ironic due to the fact Im a rather huge fan of this christian rock band while being a pagan.

2. Friends and how they work. It never changes. As the song High School Never Ends-Bowling For Soup very correctly states, it just changes in the way of the world. Theres still the drama and the bullshit, the backstabbing and jealousy, except this time its over how much your yearly salary is or what car you drive instead of your ipad.

3. Celebrity stalking and being a fangirl. Yes, its true, we are still the same girls we were at 13, we just hold it a little better inside than we did then. We may not put posters on our walls, but our pinterests may be covered with our favorite actor, singer, or show.

4. When we tell our children “we’ve been there” we REALLY have. We don’t just tell you that to make you feel better or to make you feel like you arent important. We have been there, done that, and wished we never did. We all had that broken heart, that backstabbing bitch of a best friend, had the rumors spread about us, hated our bodies, felt stupid. But we’re still here. And you will be too.

5. We still have dreams and wonder what we’ll be “when we grow up”. A lot of people are in a job they hate wishing they could be a doctor or a singer or president. Some of us will do it. Some of us can only dream about it. We can only tell you, that life never goes as planned, always have a plan B, and to roll with it. Sometimes life has plans for us that we never even knew.

The year 2012 and the years leading to it have been crazy. A part of me always really did believe the world would end (in what context, I never really did know) whether the power would go out due to a solar flare, some aliens came, a God returned, or the zombie apocolypse occured. I lived a lot of my life wondering, “what’s the point in doing anything important? What is life after 2012?” Well, here we are, and its after 2012. So whats the point?

The point is to live, and live to the fullest. Don’t spend your lives in fear, insecurity, and self loathing. You have one life. Make it count.