Tag Archives: men

I started on one topic, and it meandered into this one.

While I was writing my weight entry, I started going off topic onto this area. I cut it out and put it here because its a seperate issue that needs to be addressed.

As I’ve hit my 30s, certain behavior just sickens me. (It bothered me before, but now it’s had years to sink in.) I want to stress here that ALL PEOPLE tend to do what I’m about to say, but since we are talking about relationships, I will stick to hetero addressing before it gets confusing. And well assume the girl is younger and the man older, though we all know it can be reversed.

It’s disgusting to think at 30 years old you haven’t realized that people are more than a package. That dating people for looks isn’t only juvenile, but just plain stupid. We’re not 16 anymore. Weight happens. Boobs sag. Wrinkles will happen. Hair lines recede. Come on! And yet there are people who’d rather have that hot young thing as some kind of prize (when we all know its a sad attempt at having some kind of trophy because youre compensating for other things…) than to date a great girl who is a XXL. Then people whine and complain because said hot young trophy cheats. Hello?! (NOT saying all pretty people are cheaters!) They look good. They can have whoever they want. And SOME of them are going to take people up on that. Attention feels good. Everyone loves attention. Attention has gotten me in trouble in my life more than I care to count. But are you REALLY so clueless that when your 10 year younger wife cheats on you, you are suprised?

First of all, you’re in completely different stages in your lives. No, I’m not an ageist. If I wasn’t with my similarly aged husband, I can pretty much guarantee I’d be with someone older. The problem is that while there are SOME people who are “older than their age” or “are a YOUNG ___” in reality, a normal 20 and normal 30 just AREN’T THAT SIMILAR. You can try to defend it all you want…it’s reality. At 21, you want to go to the bar, have fun, experience being an “adult” and stay out all hours. At 31, youre probably at a good position in your job, living in your first house, maybe a child or two. At 41, you’re more seasoned in life, you have some teen-ish kids, and are back to having some freedom. Etc. Did you REALLY think that while youre making your home at 35 and getting those promotions that involve going to work at 5am, your newly legal 21 year old wife is going to want to go to bed at 9? Sure, there are some old souls out there. But in my experience, its not exactly the norm.
Second, while you’re needing that trophy to feel better, they’re getting all the perks a woman craves. Stability. Money. Freedom. They’re not learning how to function as a member of society. They essentially have a “sugar daddy”. Bat your pretty little lashes, ‘we’re just going out for awhile! I’ll be back soon!’ and watch her waltz into the arms of another (younger) man. Blind yourself, and think she’s not. She’s got stupid you at home, paying her bills, buying her clothes, while she parties her heart out and has fun with people her own age. (Or worse YET with another potential sugar daddy!) And ask yourself why shes doing that? Because shes young and pretty? No. Because you have NOTHING IN COMMON. Looks only get you so far. If youre not connecting with someone, youre going to go look for someone to connect too. Shes ABLE to cheat because shes young and pretty. She DOES it because shes actually empty inside.

I know of people who were 20 years apart, and it worked. Don’t think that I don’t realize it happens. It does. But its usually later in life that its more successful. 40-50, youre still pretty alike in your life. Even 30-40. But when you cross those lines in the beginning of life, you’re treading testy waters. 20 and 30 are leaps and bounds different. 25 and 35 are as well. According to science, you’re not even a mental adult until 22. So when you’re 18 and with a 30 year old, how can you even remotely be on the same page? Even if said 18 year old is “old for her age” shes still going to want to experience freedom. She may not drink and party, but she’s just now getting her first taste of real life. No restrictions. How is that going to work with someone who has had a decade to try out adult life, and has started to settle into their own ways? One of two things is going to happen: Young person tries to appease older person. It works for awhile. Then it goes to hell in a handbasket. Old person thinks they are lucky and lets young person do whatever the hell they want, and older person is miserable. That’s really the only two realistic scenarios. There are the GREAT scenerios where all works out, and they ride off into the sunset.

I just don’t really know any of those people.

 

 

Advertisements

I think it’s time for me to address this

I had actually thought about writing about this topic a week or two ago, but ended up writing about other things instead. But today someone brought up the topic again, so I’ll write about it now.

The topic? Guys who chase skinny girls and why fat girls have issues.

Know going into this, that I have been on both sides. I was anorexic, at my lowest being 76. At my highest, around 190. Ive been to both extremes. So I got a pretty good idea of what goes through alot of minds.

When I was skinny, I had no self confidence. I thought I was fat. (As do all other anorexics.) Though I was in steady relationships, I could have dated people, pretty sure I wouldn’t have had a hard time finding someone. I was never single long. I got with my husband when I was about 80 pounds. Hes been with me on my weight adventure. From 76 to 120 to 160 to 125 to 170 to 140 to 190 to 150 and back to 190. (You dont wanna know how frustrating it is buying clothes when you have that big of a jump and youre only 5 ft tall. 10 pounds is a size or two!) I will say that through all of those, I will always have more confidence and feel better about myself as a person when Im…

fat.

There is too much pressure to be skinny. You always want to be skinnier than her, than her, definetely than her. Then someones smaller than you, and you’re a failure. When you’re fat, fuck it. You’re bigger than some, you’re fatter than others.

My problem is men.

I’ve always been real lucky and dated guys who were human. Not macho douchebags who wanted a trophy on their arm. Not all women are that lucky. I heard a guy on the radio the other day that said if she was 121, she was out the door: he worked for her, she should work to be good looking for him. And the guy was no prize. But this is acceptable behavior for some reason.

My husband likes me bigger. He has admitted (hold on to the handle, let me explain) that it’s easier being with a bigger girl because most have self esteem issues, that most don’t know how pretty they are, so they’re less likely to cheat. A broad generalization to be sure, but still somewhat accurate. Self doubt will keep you in relationships, even horrible ones you shouldn’t be in, just to feel loved.  Do skinny girls have these issues? Sure. But society leans towards “fat should take what they get and stay there” and skinny “can have anyone, anytime”. Its sad, but true.

Today I had to listen to a guy go on about how he’d rather be with a skinny ugly girl than a pretty bigger girl because HELLO hadn’t I ever heard of exercise and portion control? And its a ‘proven fact’ they smell. Yes, I seriously heard all that today.

Not every fat person is lazy. They didn’t all get there because they eat too much, or don’t excersize. As much as people don’t believe it, shit happens. I got fat because my lithium went off, destroyed my thyroid, and I gained 100 lbs in under six months. Which then gave me type 2 diabetes, which I then gained more. It happens. We’re not all lazy. I managed to lose it. And gain it back. And lose it again. And gain it again. Rinse, repeat. After awhile you just get tired of yo-yoing your life away.  Who was I REALLY losing that weight for?

Why are skinny people so coveted? And its not even NORMAL skinny any more. Its usually NASTY skinny. UNHEALTHY skinny. Its just as dangerous and unhealthy to be 76 lbs as it is 190 at 5’1, but lemme tell ya…that’s not how people treat you. I got appreciative stares at one weight, and sure didn’t at another. I’ll let you do the math as to what went where.

As a person, I didn’t change. Just my body did. But suddenly I was worth less as a person. (Unless you donate me to science, do they pay per pound?) Suddenly that girl is better than me because shes skinnier than me? Why?

This isn’t some rejected fat girl coveting what the skinnies get. I’m a fat girl whose seen both sides, and am in a happy relationship. But I see it daily, and it just disgusts me. Great women looked over and discarded because they’re not models. Pretty, skinny women put on pedestals that take what they can, cheat, lie, and still get more men. Why? Why aren’t people judged for their hearts? I wish peoples outsides mimicked their insides. That way horrible wretched skinny girls got the real attention they deserve. And people with hearts of gold were loved for who they are.

My doctor told me he wanted me to get skinnier. He wanted me 135. I laughed in his face. I told him no way. I didn’t want to be that little ever again. That it was dangerous for me–a recovering anorexic, that I would continue to plummet. He said “Good!” … What? I was worth more anorexic?

Because I am a recovering anorexic, I have to be very careful with my weight. I lost 40 lbs last year, got to MY goal: 150. But there was that itch. (Come on, 145. 145! Let’s see 140! Thats real close to that 135 he wanted! I bet 130 would be better!) I’m sorry but that is NOT the life I want again. If that makes me less of a person, so be it.

I just wish people would judge people on their actions, and not on stupid menial things like looks and weight.