Tag Archives: health


I don’t know about where you live, but where I am at, people my age and younger are dying of H1N1. You can be a carrier, contagious before you even get sick. People walk around wearing masks, and you don’t know whether or not they are the sick, or the trying to avoid being sick. I have thought about wearing a mask. But they are really only about 75% effective. I was even scare mongered into getting the flu vaccine, and if anyone knows me I’m in the “don’t vaccinate” pack. (I do believe in major vaccines, just not chicken pox, flu, etc.)

Everywhere I go I stand 6 ft away from a person. If they cough or sneeze I immediately go another way. I see if they covered their face in the process. I avoid touching anything I can, and if I have to touch something, I use hand sanitizer after. (Hand sanitizer is under debate with people about working. It is completely a second choice after hand washing only if it is 62% or more alcohol. Non alcohol sanitizer IS NOT EFFECTIVE. STOP USING IT.) Pens, door handles, elevator buttons, are nightmares. I walk around opening things with my sleeves over my hands. I am a compulsive nail biter, but not in this situation. Buffet type places are a no-no from October til March. I try not to leave my house for the most part during these six months.

Every time someone says they, or their kids, are/were sick on my facebook feed I have to immediately remember when I last talked to them in person or was near them in person. If they were in my presence, I know the next two days are up in the air. Usually I won’t eat much for two days, if I was in any way shape or form exposed to norovirus. If it was coughing and sneezing, usually I just take it easy and stay vigilant.

Literally as I write this, my husband just said he felt sick, which immediatly got a “What do you mean??” out of me. My life revolves around staying healthy. For the most part, I can manage to maintain that. But its hell trying.


Side effects to cutting.

I’ve been a cutter since I was 17 years old. At that time, I would cut no less than three times a day, every day. I carried a safety pin around and did it in public restrooms. You’d be surprised how much damage something so small can do.

As with any cutter, it progressed a few years back to knives. Steak knifes, with serated edges, because that’s always what I seemed to pick up. I have 2 scars from the last two incidents with them, and it’s the last episode that prompts me to write this.

I cut my arm, badly. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until several minutes and much blood later. It finally stopped and eventually, even though it was ugly to look at, started to attempt to heal.

A few weeks afterwards, I noticed my right breast was inflammed. I immediately went to the doctor, scared of Inflammatory Breast Disease. We discovered it was strangely a case of mastitis…strange because I haven’t ever had children, when it’s more common. Of course you can get it when you don’t have children, but it’s much more rare…and as an added “bonus” it puts you at an 11% chance of “regular” breast cancer for the next year. (Which I have been being routinely checked for since it happened, and I’m almost in the clear.) We chalked it up to me wearing too tight of sports bra. But I was treated for MRSA, in case. He looked at my arm (which still was ugly, and open, after that time.) and told me that when you cut yourself, bacteria can travel. It could have landed there, causing the irritation in my breast. Because I caught it mere HOURS into it turning red (OCD can save your life!) it never hurt, or got much worse. I was put on the antibiotics, and routinely saw the doctor in intervals to make sure nothing was amiss.

The point of the story that I never really knew, even 14 years later, is that when you cut, you can cause infection…in places other than where you cut. Every now and then I would get my cuts inflammed or even infected, but I never thought of it traveling somewhere else in the body. I haven’t cut since that day in the doctor. That seriously scared the living hell out of me.

That isn’t to say I’m cured or that I’ll never do it again. I’m sure I will. It’s ‘in my blood’ (for a horrible pun). But I know to take extra care and precautions in the clean up process. Hopefully I won’t ever do it again. Once I abstained for a few YEARS. But it came back. But for all you cutters out there, read this and keep this in the back of your mind, that something very serious can happen from cutting.

My version of a “busy week”…

Took husband to work yesterday. Went to mothers today. Tomorrow have a doctors appointment. Probably hanging out with a friend later in the day. Thursday taking my dog to get her stitches out. Possibly picking up my husband for awhile at some point before the weekend. Yes, that is considered a “busy” week for me. Goddamn my life is boring.

My teeth still hurt. Ive figure out that Im going to get my hair cut…and make it look like an accident. Not real sure how its going to end up, but oh well lol. Still contemplating doing something else, but havent decided what yet.

Its been hotter than fuck. I hate hot. And cold. Why cant it just be temperate? 80ish days, 80ish nights? Oh and stormy! SO stormy! And its supposed to storm for like, the next week.

Tomorrows my first “check up” since the whole “is my boob gonna fall off/and/or kill me” scare. Only 11 more check ups to make sure I’m 100%. I guess Ill see how the one goes tomorrow first.

And…get ready for a back to back post…

2-26-13 It’s baaaack.

When I was a teenager, when I ate, I would feel horrible for like an hour afterwards. I’m not quite sure how far progressed it would have gotten, since that was ALSO the time I became severely anorexic. Regardless, after a few years, it went away. I made it through most, if not all, of my twenties no problem. I think I started to feel that way again for awhile, but then I was (FINALLY) diagnosed with PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I was put on a RIDICULOUS amount of medication, like every other time in my life. I was not even a CONFIRMED diabetic–I was merely insulin resistant: on my way to type 2 diabetes, and I was on 2500 of metformin a day. I lost 40 lbs. I gained it all back. EVENTUALLY around 2009 or so, I didn’t have to take it anymore. I got just kind of well all over: I didn’t have to take my (again higher than should be doseage) of cholestoral medicine, my hypothyroidism went into check, I got off the metformin, and I was barely even taking any kind of psychiatric medication at that point. That was around the same time I landed in the hospital for the first time since I was two, due to a rare, serious allergic reaction to Bactrim that I was taking for the kidney infection I had. (again. at that point I was having around six kidney infections per year. Still am…) I was in the hospital for four days, and then suddenly sans for my anti depressant, I was pretty much medication free!

Started school. Mental breakdown. Back on the psych meds (and then some). Thyroid went off again. Back on that. Now I have fibromyalgia meds. Started getting kidney infections. (On second one this year. Its February. Seriously?) I was supposed to be taking a five month maintenance pill for the kidneys but I kinda forgot about it…along with most of the psych meds.

So recently, like as in the past month or so, I started getting that weird feeling when I eat again. Nauseous. Pain. Etc. I’ve been through all the “could bes”. I’ve had acid reflux since I was 12. It’s not heartburn. My mom swears its because I don’t “take my medicine properly” which while it WILL make me feel ill, its not connected to my food intake. Plus I wasn’t on those psych meds the first time I felt like that. Then it was the fact I didn’t take the kidney pills. And yes, kidney infections make you feel like ass. This is not the same ass. I bring up I think its more sugar related, and my mom counters with, “but you didn’t have sugar til your 20s”. MIGHT not be correct. I fought with doctors for LITERALLY about five years that I had PCOS. They told me I didn’t. Finally they gave me the test. Lo and behold, after arguing that “your sugar is perfect and normal” turns out my two hour glucose test is NOT normal. It ONLY showed up there. (Thats how I ended up on an ass ton of metformin.) My sugar could have been whacked for god knows how long. True, it DID happen after everything else, and insulin WAS laying on my liver from the ridiculously fast weight gain the hypothyroidism caused. (And by ridiculously fast I mean 100 lbs in like 6 months. I had BLACK stretch marks and I’m literally almost albino.) THAT wonderful little issue was caused because from LITERALLY one week monitor to the next, I went toxic on lithium, and it shut down my thyroid. I SERIOUSLY have the worst luck on the planet with side effects. I get all the bizarre ones. So I gained a SHIT ton of weight and got all this shit at once. It was a miserable fucking decade. I don’t even remember 2000-2004 at all. Vaguely 2005-2009 or so. Just ridiculous.

So jump to today and after this shit is seriously getting old, I google hypoglycemia because I used to have attacks (hello you give someone that much metformin theyre going to bottom out.) and somehow I missed the fact it tends to ALSO come with fibromyalgia. This version is called “reactive hypoglycemia”. No idea if I ACTUALLY have it but I found it interesting that it was tied in there.

I’m sure by reading this (if anyone has actually made it this far, congrats.) you’re thinking to yourself “Jesus! This chicks got Muncheusens Syndrome!” Sadly, I have proof and verification of all my ailments. And they ALL started from being dosed too high on psych meds, and the side effects. So one lesson you can take from this long rambley mess, boys and girls, is: Don’t let a doctor over medicate you. Otherwise you end up like me. No one wants that. Trust me.

2-23-13 Don’t lock me out for bad memory

I decided to put some subscription time on my World Of Warcraft account since I’m graduating school in 6 days. Since I haven’t been on there for about 6 months. I can’t remember the email. Then I cant remember the password. Then by the time I get both of them together I’ve “logged in too many times.” Seriously? And your call center is in like, Zimbabwe. Apparently if I just wait 60 minutes, it will let me in. I guess we will see in about 20 minutes.

I’ve stayed in bed almost for 2 days straight. I get up on occasion, but its never for long, and usually to eat. Have (yet another) kidney infection. Can’t even be mad…I was supposed to be taking maintenance pills for five months so I’d stop getting them six times a year. I took two doses and forgot. So here it is February, and I’m already 2 kidney infections in. If I want to beat a record, I’d rather it be something GOOD.

It snowed and the roads are kind of shitty but nothing major. Enough that I’m sitting on my couch at 11pm on a Friday. (Wait…how is that any different from any other Friday?)

I just put in another resume. Been averaging one a day. Have two interviews on Tuesday. Not holding my breath, personally.

I’m not entirely thrilled with this haircut. I know that it’ll grow out decent but I wanted to keep more length. (Weird for me.) I was trying to grow it out. Now I just want to dye it. And it has to be something “normal” since I’m going to be interviewing for “real” jobs. So boring. I’ll probably just keep it the way it is and see how far from my actual roots it is.

2-22-13 at 2:22 am

Tuesday we have interviews at school. Im interviewing with a newspaper and some company that runs a lot of radio stations. Both are unpaid internships, or at least thats what I get when I read the papers on them anyway. Regardless, I really need experience and if I have to get it unpaid, well, so be it. My portfolio is done, complete, in its case and everything.

I didn’t go to school today. I was done with everything that needed to be done. I think I have a kidney infection (again. I average six a year) because I didn’t stay on the maintenance pills for the five months. I was waiting on the doctor to call me back and let me know if I really do have one, or if some alien is trying to bust outta my back. He never called.

This time next week I will officially be done with school. It’s become do routine I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. The next part of school doesn’t start until May. MAY! What am I supposed to do until then? Hopefully I get one of those internships or a job or SOMETHING. I’m worried if I sit around on my ass, I’ll never go back. And I have to. I have to DO something with my life. I can’t stand being a houseplant anymore.

I went to bed at 8pm last night and got up at 1030pm today. I got up long enough to pick up my husband from work, or answer the phone, etc. But I was pretty much in bed 26 hours. Here it is almost 230am and Im bored enough to go back to bed again. Hopefully Ill read or something. Who knows.

Change A Mind About Mental Illness

Please watch, and know that this video is what mentally ill people need. We need support and understanding. We are your brothers and sisters, your friends and family.

And you are not alone.


Some years back, there was a public service video done for a mental illness awareness campaign. I fell in love with the video, and when I went to look for it online, some of the ones I found weren’t very good quality. For a class project, I used that video, but put another spin on it.