Tag Archives: dreams

Tim Mcgraw for random posting for 200, Alex.

I woke up with a few interesting topics in my head. I have pandora radio on and I think I forgot them all lol. My dreams have nicely just turned into crazy random bullshit instead of the normal ‘all to real, I wake up and don’t know which reality Im in, but if Im in the dreaming one Im in a hell of ¬†alot of trouble’. Just that alone brightens my day considerably. I’ve been blaming myself as of late because of dreams I can’t control.

I really love (insert sarcasm) when a post is literally so all over the place that you can’t even tag it, or you have to over tag it, but in my case, I just dont tag it because why the hell would anyone want to read a rambley all over mess? Hell, I don’t even wanna read it.

Then again its posts like this you can hide stuff in. Stuff that deserves its own post but you can’t really write about it because while you want to write, you dont really want people to read it. Post something for no one to read–weird huh? No, sometimes you just need to get shit out and off your chest. I have a livejournal…Im kinda thinking about going back and reading it…it goes back to AT LEAST 2005, before that I think. (well I had to drag my greatestjournal over to it when that site went belly up.) I just remember bitching non stop about my marriage that was a whopping 3 months old. I think I said I hate you more in those three months than the whole 15 years we’ve been together lol.

“Do you remember me?” I said, “Only every memory” “A heart dont forget, something like that.”

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Just tired of being tired.

My body is alternating between actual tiredness and physcially being worn out, but awake. Id say I have mono (had it), Preg (cant be), thyroid (its fine currently), so I have no damn clue as to whats goin on. With it, I’m randomly crying/depressed, again all three to be suspected, and none of them actually being it. Ive had cotton mouth horrible for a few weeks, which is now causing me a hoarse cough. I got the flu vaccine against my better judgement, over 2 weeks ago, so I know I’m innoculated. (how bad did I kill that word, I dont even care…)

Tomorrow I wont have the car, but don’t have anywhere to go anyway. Debating calling my psychiatrist and putting off the appointment til next month, if hell call me in some elavil. If not, I’m gonna have to go.

I feel really secretive as of late but Im not so I don’t quite understand. My dreams are getting weird again and feeling all too real which is REALLY fucking with my day to day dealings. I feel wrong. How the fuck do you stop dreaming about shit?? Seriously!

1-24-13 21 hours in bed…

Look, an actual reason to not blog! After my long day that I will blog about NEXT, I came home, after staying up all night, at 430pm came home, went straight to bed, woke up at 630am. Stayed in bed watching DVR’d catfish episodes, fell back asleep at 1030am til 130pm. And Im still exhausted.

It’s one of those weird exhausted. I’ve had them all. I have hypothyroid-it’s kind of like that, and could even be it since I keep forgetting all my meds. I have fibromyalgia, its more than that. My vitamin D is permanantely almost negative, so Im used to that. Im just so completely utterly tired. Mind, body, my eyes hurt, its ridiculous.

It is however giving me some BIZARRE dreams. Weirder than usual.

Last night at some point, or during my nap I cant rememeber, I was flying again. The plane had 4 branches. I couldn’t find first class and the metal gate almost came down on me. The guy who points you to the seat purposely seperated me and the four people i was with. I think they were the characters from sweet valley high.

Last night before I woke up the first time, I was doing karaoke, and Simon Cowell was there with what I think was Obama’s kids, but they were like, 5 and 7. Then Avril Lavigne came over and we were singing after I pissed her off. Somehow then it turned into a zombie house.

At least its a change of pace from always thinking Im awake in dreams.

1-18-13 Reaccurring Dreams and Alternate Reality

I’ve always been one to have reoccurring dreams.

I’ve also been one to have crazy real dreams. I have memories in dreams, dreams will stop one night and start up exactly where they left off the night before, Sometimes I’ve been known to talk to people about the stuff in my dreams because I really thought it happened in reality.

So a few days ago, the mall dream with its variations showed up again.

I have alot of dreams that happen alot, they always have parts of each other in them.

This one is the one with the mall that has an elevator that goes to somewhere around 90-115 floor. It doesnt travel like a normal elevator, it literally takes SECONDS and makes me feel ACTUALLY ILL in my sleep, and if Im unlucky enough to wake up during the ride. (Like I did a few days ago. OMG I felt gross. Took like 2 hours to not feel sick.) There are a few different malls or portions of malls that show up in my dream. One of them has an airport in it, that sometimes has planes, sometimes has spaceships. There is also a high school in it, with a very large (and I mean IMMENSLY LARGE) locker room in it. (Im talking approx 50 or more stalls.) The same stores are always in it, none of which I’ve ever actually heard of or seen in my life. Sometimes the elevator ends up in the hospital, it also goes horizontal. The mall is a hospital/high school/urgent care/ doctors office/high rise/library/spacestation/airport. I take the same road to get there every time. There is this one road that is nauseating to manuever. The road is the same. There is a little town if I go one way, and not if I go another. There is always the same two choices of highway. Sometimes Im going by a different version of our river, sometimes it leads to the backyard that is a bomb shelter of my dads house that isnt really anything like his house. His basement has something really wrong with it…I think its some kind of gateway to hell. So is part of the walls.

If I dont have a version of that dream, sometimes I have this dream (usually sometimes with that river/bomb shelter) where there is asteroids or something falling from the sky. You can see everything burning and cant get away. Then the tornadoes start. Im not talking one or two. Im talking an outbreak. And theyre always within a close proximity to me. There is never less then 5-15 per dream. I am there and there are just literally all these tornadoes in various stages of power the whole dream.

Then of course there is this dream where I am in my senior year of high school, needing one half credit in order to graduate, so I had to come back. Various things happen in the dream. It is ALWAYS this premise, however. ALWAYS. It never changes.

Now, I know that tornadoes mean that I feel my life is out of control. And that shopping means Im looking for something. Im sure I could psychoanalyze the hell out of all this mess. But the worst part of it all?

Im there. Like, REALLY, REALLY, there. Today I had to ask my husband if the comment he left me on facebook was real. (He doesnt even HAVE a facebook.) I have MEMORIES in my dreams. I cant even tell when Im dreaming or asleep sometimes.

Ive always been a firm believer in two things. One, when you are sleeping, you are alive in another reality. Two, I must at some point be either doing one of two things: living past life, or dreaming through someone elses eyes. I know things and people and memories that there is no way I should know or keep having such a recollection of. I know that quite a few of these are alternate reality dreams, due to the people in them and how they pan out.

I have dreams where me and my husband are no longer together. They are not only reaccuring, but they are continuing. I have another version where we were together, then werent together. I have other ones as well that I dont feel like they should be broadcasted currently about other people.

Im going to start trying to keep better track of them. I was going to write this the other day when it happend then I got side tracked. I really have to stop letting that happen.