What the hell was the point of this post again?

Ever clicked the “new post” button then looked at the blank screen with a “duh” look on your face? Yeah, that’s me right now.

I have a shit ton of stuff I COULD write about but I don’t really think this is the time or the place. (But then when IS the time or place?) I’m just sitting here with a television that is on, but nothing is playing, a dog that is chewing something but everytime I ask her what the hell shes chewing on she stops chewing, a cat on top of the couch licking its ass. Its 10 pm, its cold, my husband is in the bedroom sleeping with the dog and my other cat is no where to be found.

And here I sit.

I just went on my tumblr site, and saw a gif for “wrecking ball” and now its on loop in my head. That song has a way of staying in your head. At least, it does me for some reason.

I was going to cancel my psych appt for Wednesday because I was mainly going in to “see how I was doing” on lithium (which I didn’t start), increased risperdal, increased elavil, and absence of zoloft. So I really didn’t see the point in going, but now I’m going to go so I can talk to him about YET AGAIN another med change. I thought increasing the risperdal would help the irritation, because they usually put me on it for that, but its no longer working. I think I need to get off of it, or lower it, or something, and start something different/new. Maybe I will go back to lithium. What I would like is some goddamn anger stiffler. I wanna tear everyones head off (while I alternate with crying…) and its getting old. I know they have pills for that shit, which I’m gonna have to google and go in with the names, so I have a chance. They want me in therapy coz maybe that’ll “help” my anger but lets be real. Its never worked before (Ill still try it though,) and I just need a damn pill for it. Something to lower my aggression.

My feet are falling asleep and my battery on this comp is half dead. Probably means it’s time to move position and get the charger. We’ll see.

Side note: why the hell do I smell syrup?


4 thoughts on “What the hell was the point of this post again?

  1. This sounds trite and is certainly unsolicited, but do you do anything physical? Can you? I get a lot of anger/frustration out when I run. I did cardio kick boxing, too, and that was terrific for releasing aggression. Calmer things, like mediation and swimming, are better (for me) for heading off anger, but the more physical things help dissipate the adrenaline. Good luck.

    1. right now its like literally 0 here. I usually walk, but id freeze to death right now lol. I have fibromyalgia and of course being fat dont help. I sadly am a little sedentary, which if I fix, will most definetely help. I go to stores and malls to walk sometimes when I have the car and my husband dont. Right now alot of it is my fault. (the other fault is that Im on psych meds that cause a shit ton of weight gain). Ive learned to take responsibility to an extent. Im going to attempt to get more active, and Im sure it would help. 🙂

      1. I love mall walking! I haven’t been running ’cause I injured my back and it really is a drag. Don’t think that I’m some zippy thing. I’m 55 and only started running about 4 years ago. My first run was comical! I was literally shuffling like an old granny. But, I got out there. Every step is one you didn’t take just a few minutes before. You’re being too hard on yourself. Hell, sometimes, it’s a triumph getting out of bed.

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