While I was writing my weight entry, I started going off topic onto this area. I cut it out and put it here because its a seperate issue that needs to be addressed.
As I’ve hit my 30s, certain behavior just sickens me. (It bothered me before, but now it’s had years to sink in.) I want to stress here that ALL PEOPLE tend to do what I’m about to say, but since we are talking about relationships, I will stick to hetero addressing before it gets confusing. And well assume the girl is younger and the man older, though we all know it can be reversed.
It’s disgusting to think at 30 years old you haven’t realized that people are more than a package. That dating people for looks isn’t only juvenile, but just plain stupid. We’re not 16 anymore. Weight happens. Boobs sag. Wrinkles will happen. Hair lines recede. Come on! And yet there are people who’d rather have that hot young thing as some kind of prize (when we all know its a sad attempt at having some kind of trophy because youre compensating for other things…) than to date a great girl who is a XXL. Then people whine and complain because said hot young trophy cheats. Hello?! (NOT saying all pretty people are cheaters!) They look good. They can have whoever they want. And SOME of them are going to take people up on that. Attention feels good. Everyone loves attention. Attention has gotten me in trouble in my life more than I care to count. But are you REALLY so clueless that when your 10 year younger wife cheats on you, you are suprised?
First of all, you’re in completely different stages in your lives. No, I’m not an ageist. If I wasn’t with my similarly aged husband, I can pretty much guarantee I’d be with someone older. The problem is that while there are SOME people who are “older than their age” or “are a YOUNG ___” in reality, a normal 20 and normal 30 just AREN’T THAT SIMILAR. You can try to defend it all you want…it’s reality. At 21, you want to go to the bar, have fun, experience being an “adult” and stay out all hours. At 31, youre probably at a good position in your job, living in your first house, maybe a child or two. At 41, you’re more seasoned in life, you have some teen-ish kids, and are back to having some freedom. Etc. Did you REALLY think that while youre making your home at 35 and getting those promotions that involve going to work at 5am, your newly legal 21 year old wife is going to want to go to bed at 9? Sure, there are some old souls out there. But in my experience, its not exactly the norm.
Second, while you’re needing that trophy to feel better, they’re getting all the perks a woman craves. Stability. Money. Freedom. They’re not learning how to function as a member of society. They essentially have a “sugar daddy”. Bat your pretty little lashes, ‘we’re just going out for awhile! I’ll be back soon!’ and watch her waltz into the arms of another (younger) man. Blind yourself, and think she’s not. She’s got stupid you at home, paying her bills, buying her clothes, while she parties her heart out and has fun with people her own age. (Or worse YET with another potential sugar daddy!) And ask yourself why shes doing that? Because shes young and pretty? No. Because you have NOTHING IN COMMON. Looks only get you so far. If youre not connecting with someone, youre going to go look for someone to connect too. Shes ABLE to cheat because shes young and pretty. She DOES it because shes actually empty inside.
I know of people who were 20 years apart, and it worked. Don’t think that I don’t realize it happens. It does. But its usually later in life that its more successful. 40-50, youre still pretty alike in your life. Even 30-40. But when you cross those lines in the beginning of life, you’re treading testy waters. 20 and 30 are leaps and bounds different. 25 and 35 are as well. According to science, you’re not even a mental adult until 22. So when you’re 18 and with a 30 year old, how can you even remotely be on the same page? Even if said 18 year old is “old for her age” shes still going to want to experience freedom. She may not drink and party, but she’s just now getting her first taste of real life. No restrictions. How is that going to work with someone who has had a decade to try out adult life, and has started to settle into their own ways? One of two things is going to happen: Young person tries to appease older person. It works for awhile. Then it goes to hell in a handbasket. Old person thinks they are lucky and lets young person do whatever the hell they want, and older person is miserable. That’s really the only two realistic scenarios. There are the GREAT scenerios where all works out, and they ride off into the sunset.
I just don’t really know any of those people.