The situation where I am is a little annoying, but knowing where to point that annoyance is getting harder.
We moved my house. The house has been in its new spot since late June. The air conditioning didnt work until about a week ago. (Well it wasnt hooked up AT ALL to begin with, then when it was, it was hooked up wrong.) I don’t work. My husband works so much I almost never see him, as he is a truck driver. He has maybe 48 hours over the stretch of the week that hes home, and obviously some of that is spent sleeping. The rest of that time?
Regardless of the fact that, lets be honest, my husband is slacking, in the end, even if he WASNT there just isnt enough time in a day. Granted the past couple weeks getting him to do much of ANYTHING has been like pulling teeth. But on top of that, it rained 17/18 days in a three week span. Its been a heat index of about 105 for the past few days, plus other sporadic heat waves. My yards been flooded, and its been ravaged by mosquitoes on top of that. If you take all that into consideration, plus the fact he isnt even in the state most of the time, and when hes home he does some work and some relaxation, obviously this house is not getting done in a timely manner.
Im beyond annoyed at the fact that Ive had numerous people offer to help and not show up. Honestly, if youre not really planning on helping can you do yourself and me a favor and not offer to make yourself look good? Because you end up looking like the deceitful lying jackass you are. Ive had some people offer and GENUINELY cannot stand to their word due to THEIR lives, and those people I have no issue with. I do have issues when others tell me they will help and we count on that help and in some times WAIT for that help only for it not to show, which then sets us even FARTHER back.
I refuse to name any names or even hint as to any of these peoples identity. Its not important. Whats important is that I’m losing my mind from this mess, I need it done and over and not only is it NOT done and over, its multiplying. On top of the mess of the move there is the mess of every day life, there is a mess of animals there is just MESS. And when you have OCD its hard to deal with that mess.
Ive not been as “helpful” as I should be. Im fat, Im out of shape. My fibro kicks up not only due to the weather, the stress, and any other reason, but I also havent been taking my meds correctly. Again, falls on me. Im not as strong as needed sometimes. My OCD keeps me from doing alot of shit. My PCOS is being its wonderful self and Ive been bleeding for almost a month straight. And in the end, I just dont have the energy or even care enough to work on it. Its spiralled into this “theres so much to do, lets just do nothing.” So instead, I spend my time bitching while getting nothing accomplished. The things LEFT to do are just stupid menial shit that honestly if everyone shut up, pitched in, and grinded it out, each room would take under an hour. Stuff needs to be hung. Standard cleaning like dusting/vacuuming. Thanks to this damn dog every room needs to have its carpet cleaned. But instead there are boxes and random crap all over. Nothing where it needs to be. I have no kitchen table, there are boxes covering it. My living room table, covered in stuff we need to get rid of. Then there is stupid bullshit maintenance stuff that I cant understand why it doesnt get done.
Im angry because when he comes home, he wants to not work on it. He wants to relax. (And obviousy, who the hell doesnt deserve to relax, esp people who work 70 hours a week!) He’ll however find time to go help someone ELSE with whatever. The funny part about that issue is that those same people that hes helping, cant ever seem to find time to help back. We need tons of help.
Im angry because people offer and then dont come through with the actual help.
Im angry because I pretty much fail at everything in life and if I was a normal person this all would have been done by now.
Im angry because he works like he does and when he does come home its either he cleans or we spend time together but theres never time for both. And even then, its pointless wanting that because the time spent isn’t with me anyway. Its either time spent with someone else doing something for them, or time spent by himself doing whatever he wants to do.
Im angry I cant do anything or go anywhere while hes gone, and then he gets home and we still go no where and do nothing. As of late I cant be fiscally mad due to the fact we have no money for anything. But if we do have money, its pointless too.
Im angry because instead of DOING something about it, Im sitting here WRITING about doing something about it instead.
Im not blind. Im not stupid. I KNOW how this looks to people. “I dont work” “What do I do all day” “Why arent you working on it more if it bothers you so much”. I dont know where to start, and I dont know what I can do by myself and so all I do is spend my time doing stupid menial shit like laundry.
In reality I know this isnt just his fault. In reality its a mix of everyone and no one all at the same time. There just isn’t enough time in the day to finish what needs to be done.