Addiction and death and life and coping

So last night while on Tumblr, it broke that the guy from Glee died.

He was a month younger than me.

And hes dead.

No doubt there are SO many people out there with the idea that he somehow “earned” it. Mr. Hollywood, threw it away for drugs. (Assuming the rumors of the cause are true…) Do people think that by making it to Hollywood you somehow are untouchable from lifes downfalls? That because they make money and people like them, they are really any different from you or I?

Some people may think, why all this fuss about an actor? Some guy from some TV show. There are children dying of diseases they never asked for! There are people like military, and police, and firemen that go to work everyday knowing it may be their last! WHY the fuss over just some actor?

Today, more than ever, people rely on things like TV or music to get by. They connect with characters, or lyrics, or fictional characters. Maybe alot of people identified with him, both fictionally, and in “real life”. More and more people today are dying due to drugs. More people go to rehab. Alot of the people that come out of rehab last a day…a week…a month…a year. But eventually, sadly, there will be a triggering event at some point down the line.  Addiction is real. I’m not even just talking about drug addiction. I’m talking addiction in general. What other kinds of addiction are there? Food. Cutting. Weight maintanence. Spending. Sex. Alcohol. Some people have addictive personalities. I am one of those people.

Maybe its because I have OCD. But in my life, I have become “addicted” to many, many things. Some of which very well could have killed me:

  • Anorexia: I reached 76 lbs.
  • Cutting: I got up to three times DAILY
  • Spending: (you dont even want me to go there, but I have about 30k in credit card debt.)
  • World Of Warcraft: 12 hour stretches, daily. People have died from less.
  • Speeding in my car: 30+ over the limit (caught) twice.
  • Pop: the acid from it began to burn a whole through my lip.
  • Eating: after anorexia, I began to OVEReat. (Into obesity.)
  • Bingo: seven days a week, a few hundred dollars per week. (Gambling addiction.)

Any one of those things could end me. Starvation. Bleed out. Homelessness. Exhaustion. Reckless behavior. Binge eating.

Do any of them disappear? No. An addict is an addict. We deal daily. Sometimes we will go a week. A month. YEARS. Before some kind of a relapse. I’ve relapsed on every single topic.

Maybe there is all this attention to a person not because of his “celebrity” but because so many of us UNDERSTAND. We ALL have vices. Some more dangerous than others. Some better maintained than others. But we all know each other. We all see what each other goes through. Are you any better to look down your nose at a drug overdose while you puff on your cigarette and have your beer, while you are betting at the race track? No one is a saint. We all have demons, and we all fight those demons daily. Next time a celebrity, or a person you don’t know, or someone close to you has a “set back”…rememeber they are human. We all fail. We need people to understand. We need the support.

To those before me and those after me who fail and succomb to their demons, you are not alone, you are not weak, you are not any less. We are all dead in the end, we all die sometime. Don’t judge people for how they exit.


3 thoughts on “Addiction and death and life and coping

  1. Honestly, I’m not a “Glee” fan in the least, and for the most part, I couldn’t care less about its stars. But when anyone, old or young, dies from addiction, it breaks my heart, as did this. The sad thing is you could try to explain it, as you just did, until you’re blue in the face but unless someone’s been through addiction, was raised around it and/or know a lot of people who have struggled with it (as is the case with me), they’ll never get it. And I’ve seen and hear so many people in my life deride addiction, claiming that it’s not a real disease, that it just takes willpower, look down on people because “oh, well they should have more control”, and a few have actually wished death upon addicts for being weak and not just walking away, not understanding that they can’t, no matter how badly they want to. And though I pop off at the mouth a lot, I rarely if ever get truly pissed but attitudes like that seriously make my blood boil. I’ve nearly taken my aunt’s head off for having the that exact same attitude about three or four years ago (it’s changed since then), and I adore the woman!

    I really wish that the ignorant (as in those ignorant to the plight of the addict, not people who are just plain stupid) would get a little educated and at least try to understand.

    1. I get frustrated only when addicts cannot understand that the ONLY person that can change their behavior is them. And to surround yourself with triggers is NOT the way to live. You cant take yourself out of society, obviously, but if your friends are all drinkers and youre an alcoholic, well, maybe you need to find new friends. I dont purposely surround myself with things that will trigger me. If I stumble into them, I try to control urges. The only one that spirals out of control for me with no trigger event is cutting. I cut for almost a decade, stopped for a little over 2 years, and then started again. I try not to. But it happens. Much like when something goes wrong with drug addicts and they slip. Slipping is….expected. Its bad, it sucks, but expected. But the addict and ONLY the addict can choose to ATTEMPT to rise above. The road isnt easy, and its GOING to have bumps. But unless you have a death wish, you have to try to help yourself. For those that are too far gone, I feel bad for them.

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