Oh no, not those pleasant ones! Those wouldn’t be worth writing about, now would they?
I’m not exactly sure, but I’m pretty sure Pandora radio is trying to get me to drive into oncoming traffic. (Yes, I’ve blogged about this before, it’s an on going occurance.)
I pretty much can’t remember from year 2000-2004. As in, I don’t remember shit from it but like 45 minutes. I vaguely remember 2005-2008. So, roughly like 8 years of my life are AWOL. And half of those are extremely AWOL.
Yet amazingly, I still remember music from those years. And when songs come on, so do the memories I’d have otherwise forgotten about.
Case in point, my new PINK channel seems to like to play two things: extremely christian music (yeah, I was shocked too), and Alanis Morrisette. I pertain most of Alanis’s songs to my teen years. (Which I’ve started to somewhat remember. In case you’re keeping track, that would be approximately 1996-2000. I don’t want to remember that time. It was then that I was diagnosed mentally ill. It was that time when I managed to hurt every person who ever loved me, or that I loved. I lost friends. I did stupid shit. The only thing worse than a pseudo amnesia is one that decides to clear every once in awhile only to smack you in the face with things you don’t really want to remember.
I didn’t have a bad life. I really didn’t. We all have our issues and things that have happened to us. Overall, I think I made out above alot of people. I never was cheated on. I didn’t have alot of friends, but I had good friends. We were poor, but we had a nice place to live and made due with what we had. I had a mom.
Then I got sick, and fucked that shit all up.
Ruined relationships. Lost friends. Alienated my mother. Went through school in a daze (when I bothered to show up or not sneak out.) During that time, music was a constant.
So now, please Pandora, keep shoving my past in my face while I’m in a moving vehicle doing 80 on the expressway. I can handle it.