I came across a blog about a person who deals with the reality of being a recovering cutter. I have never met this person, I have never read this persons blog before. But I felt compelled to share this with her, and now I want to share it with MY readers as well:
“This is probably going to be a long response. I hope you find it helpful/comforting.
I started cutting 15 years ago. I was an anorexic at the time (and by anorexic, I weighed 76 lbs), and a control freak of epic proportions. I like the way you say it can be about control. While I never really realised it, it could very well be part of my controlling tendencies.
I agree with the “slap to reality.” as well.
As horrified as some of your readers might be, this one might even take it further. Here’s part of a confessional of mine:
I used to cut three times a day, minimum. I carried a kit with me. Every day. I was so numb in my feelings, and overmedicated from all the psychotropic drugs they were putting me on, that in order for me to “feel” I had to “see” it. The blood was a face too the pain. The blood made it real. The song “Iris” for me sums it up “When everything feels like the movies, and you bleed just to know you’re alive.” Thats it. I felt so dead, that I needed that reminder to know that I was alive.
I hope this…helps some how. I don’t know why it would. But I felt the need to tell you this.”
Cutting is not new. It has become…popular in the past five or so years. Hell, log onto Tumblr, and youll see PICTURES of it. (Don’t get me started on that, its a post for another day.) When I started, people didn’t talk about it. They sure as HELL didn’t post pictures about it. And you were ALONE. If you have read my posts at all, you will notice I am about putting myself out there to show people that THEY ARE NOT ALONE. If I had had someone be there for me then, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point it did.
I still do it. Its like any other addiction. Any other drug. Except there isn’t really a huge AA type support base. There is a high. Then there is the afterward. Its something you face everyday. Do I do it three times a day? No. I’ve only done it a handful of times a year the past few years. While I do it less, it has become more violent, with much worse objects of destruction.
If you are struggling with self harm, recovering, or thinking of beginning, you can email me. You dont have to tell me your name. But let me help you.