1-17-13 Future

In about six more weeks, I’ll be graduated from college.

How I’ve made it this far, I have no idea. I’ve attempted college a few times before, and always quit the first day. I actually stayed, and am about to finish. I should feel good about that, right?

I have really good grades. (3.95 cumulative, 3.99 last mp.) But really, grades aren’t going to get me a job. We sat down and was working on resumes and getting our portfolios started, and I realized: I have almost nothing to show for it.

Am I a creative person? Definetely. I’ve always dabbled in everything arty. The problem is, I’m not great at any of it. I’m decent; passable. I’ve gotten the grades I have because I stringently adhere to the guidelines, not because of my stellar talent.

I went and talked to the one councelor, and she seems to feel freelance is the way I should go currently. I’m worried with the fact I’ve basically never had a real job and the last time I had a “job” I had it for 4 months, part time, 7 years ago. I’ve been a hermit since I graduated high school. This was the first winter that I went out of the house more than once a week to pay bills. I’m worried I’ll get a job and freak out and lose it. Lord knows I freaked out enough in school. I used to be so good at taking my medicine that I never missed a dose. Lately? Sometimes I take it, sometimes I don’t take it for a week.

I don’t want to feel like my education was a complete and utter waste, but when people look at your work and don’t seem very overwhelmed, its more than a little disheartening. If just one piece stood out that someone said WOW over, I think it wouldn’t have been that bad. But there wasn’t.

I know I’m a very literal person. Why I figured graphic design would be a good route, I have no idea. I do like it. I think if I knew the software a little better, it would be easier for me. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll feel differently later.

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